Friday, March 29, 2019

Caleb's House Rules

By the time Caleb was a young teenager, he had pretty much taken over running the household. Over the years, he established a lengthy unwritten list of house rules to keep control over his brothers (and later, Wynter). Here's a list of most of the rules mentioned in the books (including later books you won't have read yet). The numbering system is a "running joke", as Indio describes it -- a number is given whenever the rule is mentioned (and listed here), but they're not written down in the Fairn household and change randomly.

Although rule 1 states only Caleb makes the rules, his siblings have given it a shot now and then, as you can see.

So... would you survive in Caleb's house? The full table of rules follows...

House rules are immutable
Only Caleb makes the rules
Our band does not play dubstep or djent (Indio)
No secrets, no lies
No violence
Elbows off the table
Shower every morning
Pick up after yourself
Don't go into someone else's room
No yelling inside
No door slamming
No smoking inside
No swearing
Fill the tank on the way home
No food in bed
Never give Dad cash
Knock before entering, and wait for permission to enter
Keep two condoms in the wallet
Wear a seatbelt
Nobody's motorcycle is better
Save family drama until after rehearsal/soundcheck
Separate colors & whites
Have a safe trip (Wynter)
No open flames except in case of power cut
Let the girl set the pace
Never leave home without your tools in your vehicle
Only study This Day In History on the correct day (Jesse)
Dirty dishes on left, clean dishes on right side of sink
Don’t ask, don’t tell, about lyrics
Your high school graduation gift will be a filing cabinet
No phones while driving
No phones while camping
No phones in rehearsal
Raw meat only on the red plastic board
Don't do drugs
Fake IDs are not condoned
Swimming lessons are compulsory
No messing around at soundcheck
We don't eat our pets
Show up sober to every rehearsal, soundcheck, and gig
No girlfriends at rehearsal
Don't date within the music industry
The Silverado is not an appropriate place for potpourri
16-year-olds aren't permitted at college parties
Don't walk around the house in a towel
No tattoos
Wear leathers when riding your bike
Don't date your brother's friends (Jesse)
Don't go into your brother’s bedroom when he has a girl in there (Jesse)
Keep songwriting credits on a spreadsheet
Respect women / Don’t accept poor treatment or disrespect from a guy
Chores can be swapped but not shirked
No girlfriends on tour
No random people in the house


  1. “We don’t eat our pets”???????

  2. Yeah... a certain someone suggested to his sister that a particular pet might be, in theory, rather tasty. So a house rule was necessary.

  3. I am a Caleb, and making a list like this is the kind of thing I would’ve done. It’s really funny and O think this is such a creative way to give us an enticing glimpse into your books!

    1. The poor guy had a bit of trouble getting at least one of his siblings to obey the rules, but at least he tried.